Knowledge is dynamic; research constantly reveals new truth. That which was once impossible is now a reality. New species are discovered. Old taxonomies must be revised. Ergo, I am revising my month-old Taxonomy of Urination with this addendum.A few days after I posted my taxonomy, my “like a second dad to me” junior high band director called. He said, “I have read and been thinking about your taxonomy of urination.”
“So what have you been thinking?” I asked.
“It’s good, but I decided that I need to tell you that you left something out.”
“What’s that?” I asked, grabbing a pencil and notepad so I could get every word down correctly.
“Taking a piss,” he said. “You left out taking a piss. That’s an important omission.”
“Okay,” I said. “I didn’t think about it at the time. Talk to me. I need you to do a semantic analysis to differentiate taking a piss from the other types of urination I listed.”
“Well,” he said, “When I was a young man, I could take a piss several times a day. It’s what you do when you really have to go, and your stream is strong and vigorous, and you can pee a perfect arc up into the air. You have a powerful feeling of relief. You usually follow it with a big sigh and a smile.”
“It gives you great pleasure?”
“Oh, yes. Taking a piss is definitely a great pleasure.”
“But you’re old now, Dad. Can you still take a piss?”
“Only rarely. Mostly I tinkle. Sitting down. But once in a while, I can take a piss, like after a long car ride. And it’s glorious.”
“How does it make you feel now at your age?”
“Oh, it makes me feel like a young man again. It’s a wonderful pleasure.”
“Got it, Dad. Thanks. I’ll update the taxonomy soon.”
So please add taking a piss to my Taxonomy of Urination.
And thanks, Dad, for your contribution to science. May you still be taking an occasional piss when you’ve turned 105.